We live in a technology-filled world. And I have a love-hate relationship with it.
I have built a career, working online and from home. 10 years ago, this would not have been possible. So many of us live far from family and our kids can Facetime with grandparents, cousins, and even great-grandparents thanks to technology!
On the flip side, our kids (and we as parents) are likely too focused and reliant on technology.
We are essentially the first generation of parents to raise their kids in a technology-filled era. So while there are a lot of great things that come with access to modern technology, experts are raising alarms about the damage that unrestricted access to technology can do to our kids.
If you haven't read the book "The Anxious Generation" by Jonathan Haidt, I highly recommend it. Jonathan is a social psychologist who investigates the rise of anxiety and depression among adolescents. Spoiler alter, the arrival of the "phone-based childhood" in the early 2010s has interfered with children’s social and neurological development and is a major contributor in the collapse of youth mental health.
I have also read that technology can create a chemical process in the brain that makes kids addicted to it in the same fashion that one becomes addicted to drugs.
Don't get me wrong, my kids watch plenty of TV, have a Kids Kindle for travel and use my phone (when I am not using it) to play games, take photos and more. I am not here to banish all those devices.
I simply want to find a balance with technology. I want my kids to continue to embrace it and reap it's benefits, while also protecting their young minds.
Technology Rules to Think About
Before I give you our family rules, here are a few questions to have your family answer to guide how your family manages technology:
- What types of age-appropriate technology can our kids use? And beginning at what age?
- Do we want our kids to have a cell phone? If not at what age? Will it be a flip phone with no apps or an iPhone with all the bells and whistles?
- What is our policy for technology when friends come over? Especially if they bring their own devices.
- Will we allow technology in vehicles? Road trips versus around town? In a car versus on an airplane?
- How much time should our kids be allowed on their devices?
- Will we allow technology outside the home? For instance, a siblings’ sporting events, while dining out, at the doctor's office.
- What does my child need to know about using technology safely? What should they do if they come across inappropriate content?
- What plan of action needs to happen if technology impedes with my kid's other interests? What will happen if my kid doesn't want to socialize with friends or family?
Our Family Rules
Set Time Limits
If your kids have a bedtime, their devices should have a bedtime too! Decide as a family how much time a week your kids’ should be allowed on devices for “playtime”. That time can be spread out throughout the week or over one larger chunk on the weekend.
Designate Technology-Free Zones
In our house, kids' devices are not allowed in their bedrooms. We always make mealtime technology free. This goes for visitors too. Our kids' friends are required to leave their devices in the kitchen before bedtime.
Discuss Digital Safety
Entire books have been devoted to this topic. The internet can be a dangerous place, so talk to your kids about the dangers they might encounter like cyberbullies, scams, trolls, and pornography. Have regular discussions with your kids about the good and bad that come with technology. Let them know you are a safe person to talk to, should they come across something “bad” while on the internet or a device.
Understand Your Digital Footprint
Kids these days are "digital natives”, but that doesn’t mean they’ve always got a great handle on what the internet actually is! My friend Alice Egan from SaaS Savvy is an expert in making tech easy to talk about. Watch this video for a fun breakdown on what the internet, web, and cloud are so they can better understand just where it all comes from.
Technology is a Reward, Not a Right
My kids are 7, 9, and 11 so they love technology. But technology for them to play with is a reward. My kids are required to follow family rules and complete homework, chores, or any other tasks before using a device. We also don’t allow tv, video games, etc on school nights.
In the end, you are the parent, so you set the rules on how and when technology can be used within your house. I hope this framework inspires you to approach these rules with confidence and work together as a family to set guidelines that work for all of you.
